But I want it.
It’s a crime,
I have a friend or two, whom I speak to, every now and then. I like to believe that these conversations that we have are pretty candid. Blunt as they are, honest in the nature. Once our words are out, they are out — honesty cannot be appropriated, now can it?
No matter how often I would like these conversations to be authentic, there have been times when I have felt a need to bite my tongue, appropriate my words and the intentions behind them, and just call it a ‘slip of the tongue.’
In one of those invented ‘slip of the tongue’ moments, I have tried to change the implication of something I had said a minute ago. ( I had said, “I’d let my lover be my owner. They’re my lover; they have that much power, I guess.” ) My attempt at cleaning up the mess? Create more mess by saying something along the lines of “I mean, I would also, maybe, have that sort of power on them, if they allow.”
Yeah, there’s more mess right there.
In his recent song Cherry Wine, Irish song-writer Hozier illustrates this dark ‘mess’ that I am talking about by painting a picture of a male victim (in an abusive relationship), who’s stuck on excusing his lover for all the abuse he suffers, who lets his lover be his owner and have that dominating abusive power over him. A poet in his own right, Hozier deals with the dark concept of domestic violence with his tender voice, (interestingly) birds chirping in the background music, and with words that are more sinister than they appear.
The way she shows me I’m hers and she is mine,
Open hand or closed fist would be fine;
The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.
In what’s meant to be not about power roles (a relationship), we have a guy who’s pretty powerless against his lover. So much so that he’s enough blind in love with her to let her abuse him.
In my own error (even if it was just a ‘slip of the tongue,’ or a Freudian slip about my passiveness, maybe), I have noticed that it’s not just mine, this error. It’s an error we all make — and some pay the consequences of realizing or living it — the error being in not properly interpreting the wholeness of love and mistaking it to be your individual duty and being quite blind about it. Often in our picture of ‘love,’ ‘my love,’ we see a one-way street: one where we worship our Lover, and no matter how they picture us, we are ever ready to give in and excuse them for anything. Anything. They abuse you, you excuse them. They physically, mentally, emotionally abuse you, you excuse them. All because they are your lover (or so you believe), right? Wrong.
Hozier recognizes that.
And as a “clarion call to highlight the issue of domestic violence,” his Cherry Wine now must answer better why it’s an error to not properly interpret the wholeness of love, to mistake it to be your individual duty, and to be quite blind about it.
Ever wondered why they think love’s blind? And when it’s not, we choose to make it blind;
It looks ugly, but it’s clean.
Oh mamma, don’t fuss over me!
We refuse to acknowledge the ugliness of it, and pretend all’s well — “it’s clean.”
Well, it’s not clean.
“It’s a crime.” It’s a crime of domestic violence; you can’t let them abuse you. Even though you love them for life, you can’t let them abuse you. It’s not only harmful to you, but also to your entire family.
You are concerned about your ‘love’? Don’t worry. Help’s available so as to teach them how to be non-violent.
The statistics from NCADV (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) show:
- On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
“Proceeds from the single download of Cherry Wine will benefit a series of domestic abuse charities worldwide. Please visit http://www.Hozier.com/cherrywine for more information about this campaign.”
~ Hardik Yadav